Poem to my late husband Steve

Rest in Peace

20.08.69 to 19.09.17

 

I laid beside you nearly all of my life
I lay beside you when you began your journey to leave this world
And I lay beside you when you had gone
I wrapped your lifeless arm around me, felt your hand upon my face
I wanted to lie there forever, but I knew you’d gone to a better place
I cried so much I thought I’d never stop, I still cry everyday whether I want to or not
I wake up every morning and look where you used to lie
I go to bed alone every night and think about you all the time
If only I had known you were going I would have had many things to say
Instead I said them while you slept under the careful care of doctors, night and day
And again when you were beyond just sleep and I said many words of disbelief
I still get the same pains in my chest I did then
Physical pains because I’ll never see you again
I remember when we were young, when we became parents and how we’d fight about silly things—that was you and me
But the love never waned; it grew stronger every day and even when we’d lose our way,
We’d get back to where we’d been …together forever was the way it was supposed to be.
But now you’re no longer here and I’ve struggled to accept you’ve gone,
Being so used to you being my whole world
And me your loving wife,
I will cherish our time together for the rest of my life.

 

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We nearly made it to the end … but now it’s time to say goodbye

I’m finding the words to begin this post. The most difficult post on my blog to write. I started this blog in 2011 because I like to write and after moving to our ‘project’ …our new home, it inspired me to document the journey. I made time when possible to make entries as we journeyed on renovating our lovely rural home. A home that has given us experiences, creativity, hard work as well as love, laughter and many good memories, especially as our daughter grew from being ten years old into a beautiful and talented young lady of sixteen. It is of great sadness and heartbreak that this will be my last post about the house and the reason I began this blog in the first place. Heartbroken because on the 19th of September I lost the very heart of our project, my darling husband Steve. He passed away following a cardiac arrest at our home. My daughter and I have been devastated by his sudden passing. The past few months have been the darkest of my life and I have no choice but to carry on with my own journey without my soul mate of twenty-five years. Everyday missing his arms wrapped around me, now replaced with sorrow and the unknown. With all my youth spent with this special man, I now have to carry on through middle age without him.

Living Room Before & After

Kitchen Before & After

 

 

 

 

 

Study and Laundry Before & After

Bathroom Before & After

 

Bedroom and En-suite Before & After

Daughter’s Bedroom (At age 10) Before & After

And all the other things a long the way…

 

THE END.

 

 

 

The Kitchen

 

Four years of planning and ‘Mind-blowing’ was my reaction when I got home from England to the old kitchen gone and the new one was in!

The planning I did for this kitchen, albeit it had been four years in theory, was done fairly quickly in comparison to other projects as Mr C wanted to strip the room and do as much as possible with renovating it, including fitting a new kitchen whilst I was a way for five weeks in England with our daughter. As with the rest of the renovation we we’re on a tight budget and finding the right type of cupboard front was proving quite difficult as quality kitchens are ridiculously expensive in New Zealand and the DIY stores just didn’t cut it when it come to completing our country kitchen. I had almost given up hope that we’d ever find what we we’re looking for (even going so far as to looking into importing from the UK), until one day and by chance whilst standing in a kitchen store and close to giving up there was one random door leaning up against the wall, our hope was restored. I sourced the handles on the Internet for half the price of store bought and after choosing between a couple of samples, came to a happy decision—finally one of the main aspects of the new kitchen was absolute! Then it was time to choose tiles. Another dilemma and time spent playing around with samples, looking for rustic and easy care—liked the slate, but nope, when you wipe them with a damp cloth, most of the cloth was left behind on the tile! So glossy and practical it was! Small tiles were first choice until it was discovered for the same cubic area as the larger tile they were going to cost twice as much! Crazy! So the larger tile it was! Decisions, decisions! The sink wasn’t a problem as this had been stored in the garage for the past two years— A country-style butler sink brought over from England by a friend whom at the time was importing a caravan! I would often think of this sink whilst I washed up in the tiny sink we had and how one day it would be eventually installed! Two years later—et voila!

The flooring was going to be laminate and this was up to Mr C as I wasn’t going to be around for any input on this as we’d run out of time to sort this item before I left the country. It all turned out well though and Mr C chose a good colour that suits! The oven wasn’t a problem either as that had also been sitting in the garage, not for two years though, just for six months. The bespoke counter tops were made beautifully by Mr C from reclaimed Rimu and have added a rustic country-style finish as well as being inexpensive in comparison to the favoured marble top. It was a compromise that I am more than happy with. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. When there are always things when renovating that you know you’d do differently or areas you could have saved money on at the time, but it wasn’t obvious until later.

What you favour isn’t always possible and frugality doesn’t always succeed

So there we have it… four years on, a new country kitchen to enjoy! Waving goodbye with joy to the unreliable cooker and the 1980’s design, not to mention the horrid sink.

 

BEFORE

 

 

AFTER

Personal note: This post has been posted more than two years after actual completion in August 2015. Due to the general busyness of life this final room in our six year long renovation wasn’t posted until now (Jan 2018). I wish to dedicate this last post on my blog about the renovation and the very reason I started writing it, to my late husband Mr C who unexpectedly passed away 19th September 2017. Me and my daughter miss him every single day. Together for 25 years, life without him is difficult to adjust to and it’s with great sadness after the past six years we spent renovating our lovely kiwi farmstead I am moving to another home with my daughter soon.

Rest in peace my love, I’m sure that all the work you’ve done to our home will be loved for many more years to come.

In loving memory of Steven Michael Clements

20th August 1969 – 19th September 2017

‘Loved always and forever’